明明很想

明明很想哭，却还在笑。

明明很在乎，却装作无所谓。

明明很想留下，却正定地说要离开。

明明很痛苦，却偏偏说自己很幸福。

明明忘不掉，却说已经忘了。

明明放不下，却说他是他，我是我。

明明舍不得，却说我已经受够了。

明明说的是违心假话，却说那是自己的真心话。

明明眼泪都快溢出眼眶，却高昂着头。

明明已经无法王回，却依执著着。

明明知道自己很受伤，却说你不必觉欠我的。

明明伪装着很累，却还得依旧。。。。。。

为的只是隐长起自己脆弱，即使很难过，也会装着无所谓。。。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmXSO_j4Rso

圈子

有些圈子 不是说你想进 就进得去，
想出 就出得来；
而有的 却可以自由出入。。。

也有一种圈子 你不想进，
可是却偏偏x了个脚进去
就连你想溜 也溜不出来。。。

我就这么一个不小心 就进了这么一个圈子
这个圈子没什么不好，就是不被人看好
但我没得选，
因为我就只对这个圈子感性趣！！！

我也有想过要走出来呀
毕竟“它”不是一个大热门
它 更不是一个被看好的圈子

但 选择逃避 不是我向来的作风
虽然我以前曾经是那样
但最终 还是狠狠地摔了一跤
也狠狠地 摔醒了自己
爬了起来 人与思想也跟着改变了，长大了。。。

但是 不管我如何逃避
总有一天还是要面对
那么
迟到不如早到，长痛不如短痛
早日面对早日解决早日心息
那不是更好吗？

圈子啊 圈子
为何你就是那么不被看好
又为何我会“x了只脚”进了这个大门
还把自己冰封了这么久
而且 还要继续被冰封着

好希望有个人 可以给我件大寒衣，
让我从此以后都不需再冬眠，
能在长眠中苏醒 。
但 这个人 真的会出现吗 ？

家

家 这个字对每个人来说
都有着不同的定义。
但对我而言，
家这个字曾经是我很渴望得到的东西
不是我无家可归，而是我的家不像是一般的家
从外看, 它的确是间完美的家
但事实上 它只不过是个空壳。。。
一个没有温暖，没有交流的壳
这还算是个家吗？

我知道有很多人，他们很渴望有家
但如果说像我这样的家，给你 你要吗？
从来就没有体会过所为温暖
从小， 家人就不记得我的生日
所以他们也不曾为我庆祝过生日
就连我问，他们也不会记得我何时生日！
你说可笑么？

所以我很重视我的朋友们
如果可以，
我会尽力不让他们与我有着难过的日子或回忆
因为我不想我生边的人和我一样空虚，寂寞
寂寞 就让我一个人来承担吧。。。


也许有人会说 是因为我自己叛逆
或许是吧！
我从小就是这样
因为常被爸爸放飞机
妈妈又从来不理我的动向 也很少交流
所以我很早就懂得独立了
也不对家人抱着任何的盼望
很早 就懂得“机会是自己争取回来的”
这个道理
也非常感谢我的一位小学老师
是她教会我 做人最重要是懂得自爱
就算没人爱，也要懂得爱自己
如果就连自己都不爱自己
那这个人很快就会走上歪路

话说回来 现在的我
只要有朋友，有欢笑，有钱，那就会是我的家
朋友对我来说实在是太重要了
虽然我自知我自己有时候很 “ 怪懒 ”
脾气也“很好”
还会有事没事找朋友惹事

还真谢谢他们对我这么体谅
回想起来还几感动一下～哈哈～XD
真的真的很感谢我的猪朋狗友们
我爱死你们～muackz～

想不到第一次用华语打部落格～
就打了这么多废话
“偷偷告诉你们”
这还是叫朋友帮我打的
因为自己的华语是有限公司
谢谢你～ah pu～muackz～ XD

wat's actually happen

2nd Nov

It's my off day actually...

so i when out 4 movie n shopping ALONE till around 8pm!!!!!!

cause everyone having class....T.T....

Reach home at 8 sumthing, as usual 1st thing 2 do was fb"ing"

den cook my own dinner and on....

everythings go well untill........

my phone ringing, my boss cal up

she : y xxx go back early today?

me : cause his brother having birthday party today, n i thought today won't hav much ppl, so i let him took de morning shiff...

she : den? now de shop all myammar ppl only working? you thought my shop is myammar shop ar!!! like wat!!!

how many times i had 2 tell u, when u off xxx MUST work at night... wat if customers asking anythings, u thought they can understand ar...

(i was like HELLO!!! YOU r de one said wanna save cost, dun want take local workers, myammar good can work 12 hours, salary oso cheap, bla bla bla.... N most importantly xxx interview that time u promise ppl 2 work 1 week morning shiff n 1 week night shiff.... n now bcause YOU wanna cut cost n now ppl hav 2 work night shiff everyday. v only here working 4 u ok, not selling ourself 2 u pls!!! u thought u're paying salary den u very big now... o0o nah!!!!

i can simply get another job with same or even higher salary anywhere anytime, dun tell me bullshit...

i thought cause i won't work 4 long d, that's y i lazy 2 change job, if not.. u??? FUCK OFF PLS!!!)

me : ya, i know but cause he tell me was his broyher birthday n they're having party 4 him at home, n usually monday oso no customer 1 la...

so i allow him 2 took morning shiff lo..

she : den, u shouldn't off today wat,

u should change off day with him wat, de shop must hav a local worker there...

now wat u want me 2 do???

(SO??? u dun want 2 take local workers, n saying that "cashier so free can go help waiter 1 ma, dun just sit at cashier" i paying u ppl salary not just sit there 1 ok, find sumthing 4 them 2 do...

somemore 2 local?? wat if i off, den another 1 accident or had emergency??? i beg u'll cal me come in 2 work 4 sure...)

me : ... nv answer her for quit awhile

she : so now i dun care is ur off day... iwant u go there now, till not many ppl only u can go back..

me : ok, but i haven't eat, still cooking

she : den faster finish n go!!!

me : ok. =(

den i ate my meal..

damn i suppose 2 enjoy my meal, somemore i purposely bought a wine 4 my dinner today...

now end up sollow everything n fly to that stupid shop..

9.15pm like that, i reach de shop

ok, not bad , quit a lot of ppl hmm...

den i realize de coin in cashier going 2 finish..

so i went 2 7 eleven 4 sum coin changing..

till 10pm, most ppl already finish eating n paying, so i went back that time...

Just nice reach home only, i saw 2 missed cal on my phone, i cal back n found out cashier money had short 600...

damn 600!!! 1st time ever short so much... usually only 10 to 50 bucks... damn

so i go back check again n HELL, it's really short 6oo bucks...
n so i cal her up, n she said ok, let's check cctv tomorrow...

3th Nov

after waiting de whole day, finally i'm checking de cctv with her husband n guess wat...
everything was just as normal...
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 cut de story short, it end up she cal me n said,
"I DUN CARE, u 3 ppl hav 2 responsible 4 it....."
how gud she was.... o0o

Sky Bar"ing" On 12th Oct ^^

...

To protecting myself,
i learn to kill others that blocking my way....
dun blame me,
cause i won't let anyone or things stop me from wat i want...

i would give up everything 4 my dreams...
i would do whatever it takes 2 achieve that...
whoever try 2 bring me down,
i'll make sure u can't c the next sun raise!!!

Empty
is who i am...
Deep down inside,
an emptiness that couldn't be fill...

Lonely
is actually my best friends...
no one knows my loneliness,
cause i acted well out side...

Love
will never comes to me...
That's de reason why,
I had replace it with money...

Boring
that's how my life sound like...
Lived everyday,
like waiting 2 die...

Dream
is de only things i want 2 achieve...
i working hard 4 it,
bother what comes my way,
i just won't give up!!!

Heart
is what i had given out...
But as 4 de result,
no one even reply me a thank you
but FUCK YOU!!!

Sadness
I do feel it sometimes...
But i deal with it
b4 sumone found it out...

Secret
everyone had their secret..
as 4 me,
i been keeping it long enough
but i ain't telling yet...

Mask
is what everyone wearing now...
don't you feel tire,
why can't just put it down???


xxx patrick xxx

cny shop

19 jan 2009
just niCe 1 weEk b4 cNy...

go Gai g@i wiTh fren's at pAvillIOn

n' i bOught sOme StuFF such As...

Hugo Boss
(Is a limited edition),
so niCe,
like de bottle...

Den, at de same time,
i bOught...

It's all fRo m SaSa

after that,
went 2 PadiNi n i BougHt
ThiS,

right after that,
i bought this from nike

suCh a cUte cOw...
n' it's pack inside

This!!!
KawaiI Neh....

n lAstly,
weNt 2 "BINTANG DUIT"...
starbucks
hehe =)

n total spending 4 one whole day...
only cause me around RM1k

well i ThinK tHAT's all,
duNnO WaT elSe to wRitE...
c ya...
XD